More than ever I have been looking around and simply wondering where time has gone. Don’t get me wrong – it’s not in a morbid way! It’s merely a realization that life passes us by so quickly, and do we really pay attention?
I noticed myself doing this more after the day we moved my oldest into her college dorm. Being a monumental period of life, of course sending my first born child off to college would be the catalyst. We all chatted about how quickly the four years would pass, and boy did they! As graduation approached my daughter got her first taste of time, and how swiftly years can pass. I’m sure we can all remember that first realization.
Today I stumbled across an old photo of my youngest at two years old. I was able to put myself right back into the picture – the sights, sounds and feeling of that moment. It was from my 60 mile endurance event days, and she was cheering for me as I rounded the third day of 20 miles. I vividly remember the sound of her little voice shouting to me from the crowd (how funny is it that a mom can pick out her child’s voice from a large crowd?). It was only a few minutes before I was jolted back into the present by my now 13 year old asking me a question. So I’m holding 2 year old Red in my hand, and listening to 13 year old Red go on about her dress. The stark difference was there just smacking me in the face.
I am not sure if it is the fact I am closing in on 50, or if it is simply circumstance which has caused me to recall so many moments. There are times that I have a gut check and ask myself, “Am I really this age?!” It most definitely is not a sad thing for me, or asked in a bad way. It is a privilege to get older – one some people do not get. Lately there have been so many instances for me to stop and reflect on moments in time (The understanding I get from all of this is that I really think I am younger than I actually am).
I’m in a stage in my life that is uncharted. My parents talk about the fact they are old – in their words mind you! I still see my mother as she was at my age, and forget about her true age. I mean there are obvious physical differences, but mentally there are none. My dad is facing time in a very different way as he is out-living all of his close friends. It makes me very sad for him because I know it has made an impact. It’s very unsettling to wrap my head around what all of this means in the grand scheme of things. I often have to stop and make myself understand my parents are actually the age my grandparents were, and not my contemporaries. It certainly makes me want to freeze time for a while.
I want everything to pause for a moment so I can have another gut check and take it all in really well. I want to be present! I need more moments with my girls, my family, my closest of friends who are my chosen family – never taking anything for granted. My biggest take away from all of this is to be present – be present in all the little moments, be present in all the big moments! Time does not wait.